Advanced Kidney Failure

For those of you who don’t know, I own 2 Beagles, a mother-son (yes, they’re related) duo called Elsie and Harry. Both of them are hella mischievous but I love them with all my heart.

This is Elsie, my bug-eyed sweetheart and also my very first dog.

Since Chinese New Year rolled around, Elsie became very picky and would only eat wet food, like the kind pet shops sell in cans and aluminium trays, and she was also slightly lethargic but we figured that it was just her bring her usual lazy self.

We recently brought her to the vet because we suspected that she could have a toothache or a problem with her gums. After some checks and a blood test, our very dedicated vet told us that Elsie has advanced kidney failure so she’s been hospitalised and put on a drip since Sunday.

Visited her at the vet the second day she was there. Still a cutie!

Part of me feels incredibly guilty for not bringing her to the vet sooner but another part of me is just glad that she’s receiving the treatment and care she needs. At the same time, I’m worried that she won’t respond well to treatment and will leave me prematurely. We’ve only been together for 3 years and that’s definitely not enough.

Thanks to these wild, wild thoughts, I cried myself to sleep on the first night she was in the hospital and my anxiety pretty much sky rocketed 💔

Elsie’s a trooper but the thought of her having to go through all these just breaks my heart.

Harry, on the other hand, isn’t as cheerful or as energetic as he used to be and we suspect that it’s because he misses Elsie. He’s never been away from his mother (not that he realises that they’re related) for longer than a day and that was when Elsie went to get sterilised.

After I got back from the vet and my MRI (that’s a story for another day) on Monday, Harry kept chasing me around the house. He wanted to stick his little nose in my clothes because they smelled very strongly of Elsie.

He’s been whining a lot lately too. Probably because Elsie isn’t around to accompany him 24/7. Poor boy.

I’ve decided to do everything in my power to treat Elsie. Anything goes as long as she gets better but clearly, my mother and I don’t share the same sentiments.

Mother: 如果没有钱就没办法救Elsie咯!

I snapped because I’ve made my stance clear to her multiple times but for some reason, she still feels the need to tell me such things. And it’s odd because I’m sure that she loves and cares for Elsie the same way as I do so why are you saying this?!

Evidently, I’ve got a lot on my plate right now and I’m trying my hardest to compartmentalise but damn, this woman seems hell bent on NOT giving me the break I need.

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Fawning Over My Dogs

Time check: 6:02am

I keep waking up in the middle of the night and I can’t go back to sleep no matter how hard I try. My calves keep cramping up. My sore throat’s getting real bad and it feels like someone just tore off the skin in my throat. It’s a wonder that I’m still able to speak.

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BTO Woes + Thoughts on OSN

Currently writing this from the clinic in my neighbourhood because I’m down with a flu for the second time in 2 months. We’re only in the second month of 2018 and I’ve already been sick twice.

I can only pray that my luck will turn when Chinese New Year arrives but then again, I don’t have high hopes because they say that those born in the year of the monkey will have shit luck this year hahaha. Hello! That’s me! 🙋🏻‍♀️

But woohoo!!!

The February BTO launch that Joel and I have been eyeing for so long has finally launched!

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Today Will Be A Good Day

Hello world! I’m very determined to enjoy my weekend and have a positive and happy day today despite the challenging past couple of days. Nothing can bring me down and I won’t allow anything to ruin my weekend.

My mood swings are so extreme hahaha. PMS is very real.

I woke up to this fella’s whining because nobody wanted to play with him, not even his own (dog) mother. This is his face whenever he’s waiting for me to throw the ball and he really doesn’t care if you want to play or not. He will just stare at you silently and creepily until you throw the ball.

Sometimes I like to hide his ball and ask him “where’s your ball?” He will end up sniffing every inch of my body, trying to hunt down the ball.

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An Extremely Pointless Update

Before I stepped foot into the office.

Images like these always makes me happy. It’s like the world is reminding me to stop and smell the roses every now and then; find beauty in the little things.

Yeah, probably 想太多 and reading too much into mere shadows and sunlight 😂

After two weeks of craving for laksa, I finally managed to get my hands on a bowl during lunchtime at EAT. Everytime I went there thinking, “ I WILL get my laksa this time!”, I don’t because they’re always, always sold out.

Now I finally know why it’s always sold out. It’s because it’s not bad! At least for EAT’s standard. It is also very weird that for a stall with a signboard that so heavily features the fishball noodles, their laksa is the best lol.

Got a little too restless after lunch and started fooling around with the Snow app.

I’m wearing the Colourpop Blotted Lip in Candyfloss, if you were wondering. The staying power isn’t great but I’m a sucker for warm terracotta shades like this so I have no complaints :’)

This was a birthday gift from the RWB girls to me. I carry it around with me everywhere because it’s such a wearable shade.

On a side note, I really need to get my hair cut if I want it to look decent during CNY.

It’s not at all obvious here due to the excessive amount of filters Snow likes to pile onto your face as though subtly reminding you that you’re not good-looking enough to go filter-free (I disgress), but my face has been hella oily today!!!

Usually I only start getting oily by mid-afternoon but when my colleagues and I went out for lunch today, I realised that my face was super gross!!! I blame it on the fact that I didn’t have access to my skincare products while I stayed over at Joel’s place over the weekend.

I only went two days without applying anything to my face and now I’m back to square one, before I started religiously moisturising my face with FOUR (!!!) different products ☹️

Definitely gonna mask later tonight otherwise one oil blotting paper won’t even be enough for my face. I only pray that my Faith In Face mask works its magic, sigh 🤞🏻

This afternoon when I wanted to quickly scroll through my Dayre feed, I was shown this error message and I panicked a little because I thought the company quietly and swiftly closed down the app without informing anybody.

I really don’t want Dayre to go! I don’t think I’ve ever been this attached to a social media platform before, not even Instagram which says a lot considering what my job entails.

If it really does go, then where can I go when I want to kaypoh into other people’s lives? 😭

My mother sent me a photo via Whatsapp with the caption “怪物” (monster)

Had no idea what she meant because at that time, I’ve yet to open the app to see who she was talking about so I was very confused and also very curious.

I opened the app and lo and behold!!!

This was the 怪物 in question!

I burst out laughing in the office but nobody gave a shit about me because they’re so used to my random outbursts (of anger, of happiness etc).

LOOK. AT. THAT. FACE! How can you not laugh?! I’m amazed at how my mother managed to shock her to this extent and take a photo of her face at the same time.

Of course, Elsie has her pretty days too!

This was also from today when my mother told her that she was a 坏蛋 because she refused to eat her breakfast and only ate when my mother mixed some porridge into her kibbles. And even then, she only picked out all the rice and left her kibbles untouched.

Excuse me, do you know that your kibbles are very expensive? Even 姐姐 here doesn’t get to eat something this expensive everyday leh! Please finish your food hor, Elsie!

If anybody has any suggestions as to how to make your dog eat their food, please tell me! I need to know!

Yingxin very kindly created a pattern out of Elsie’s derp photo.

HAHAHAHA but I requested that she include Elsie’s paws in the pattern so that Elsie looks more silly.

Like they say, ask and you shall receive. YX granted me my wish.

BUT SHE LOOKS LIKE A CHICKEN WING HERE?!?! HAHAHAHA!

I think I know what my new homescreen and Telegram wallpaper will be now :’)

I’m sorry this photo is so blur but what the heck?! Harry looks so bloody adorable here, he almost doesn’t seem real. In fact, I feel like he looks more like a cartoon than a real life dog.

My sweet baby. No wonder ahma (my mother) loves you so much! ❤️

Post-CT Scan Update

Some of you who’ve read my previous posts would know that I’ve been to the OB/GYN a few times to find out why I’ve been experiencing pain in my lower right abdominal area.

I’ve been to 3 different GPs, the first one straight up told me “I have no idea what’s wrong with you”, while the other two more experienced doctors whom I trust, told me to go get an ultrasound done.

So I did.

Everything was normal according to my OB/GYN so he suggested that I go for a CT scan instead which burnt a huge hole in my pocket… or rather, my parents’ pocket because I don’t have that kind of money.

I finally found out what’s wrong with me on Friday night when I popped by the women’s clinic to collect my CT scan results.

The doctor sat me down and told me happily “we finally know what’s the problem now!” I figured it’d be something trivial, seeing as he seems so chirpy, until he said…

You have cysts in your pelvic region.

Seriously?! I thought the hardest part of it was over because what else can be worse than this, right?

The doctor said that he’d have to refer me to a neurosurgeon, a surgeon who specialises in the nervous system, because the cysts are growing ON my nerves which is why I’ve been experiencing such pain and discomfort for the past year.

Yes, you read that right. I procrastinated for a year before I decided to do something about this. Shame on me hahaha.

He explained that cysts are liquid filled sacs that will disappear on its own sometimes but in this case, since they’re on my nerves, he added…

You might need to operate… but I’ll leave that for you to discuss with the neurosurgeon.

What the fuck?! I MIGHT have to operate?!

I asked him how do people get cysts so that I can possibly prevent the same thing from happening in the future but he just told me that cysts can happen to anyone with no rhyme or reason.

In my head, I was like “why me? Why on my nerves of all places?!”

Sigh, I’ve been to the doctor and the hospital multiple times this year. Perhaps close to 20 times; to collect meds, visit loved ones, send loved ones to the A&E etc.

I really don’t need another trip to the hospital whereby I’d have to be cut open or have holes drilled into my abdomen.

Naturally, I felt pretty shitty after that. All the money that I’d have to spend on the POSSIBLE surgery, the days I’d have to take off from work, the (I suspect) arduous and painful healing process if I were to do the surgery… I’ve got endless concerns.

Even as I’m penning this, I feel like shit. I’m worried, I’m anxious, and I’m extremely stressed over this.

There’s also the fact that my right and left cysts measure about 4cm and 3cm respectively. Those are HUGE! Trust me, I took out my metal ruler from my LASALLE days and measured hahaha.

Then I went to JB, tried to forget it all until I got back home and everything came back and hit me in the face again. I’m embarrassed to say that I cried a little over this because like I said, “why me?”

But that’s a question nobody has the answer to.

I can only deal with it one day at a time, bit by bit. I’ll take whatever comes at me…. or at least try to.

I’ll be heading off to the polyclinic to get a referral to see a neurosurgeon about this soon. Hopefully they won’t let me wait for too long before I can get these problematic cysts out of the way, and out of my body 🤞🏻

Here’s a photo of Harry being cute. I’m hoping that it’ll help neutralise the negativity around this space and bring a smile to you guys’ face because how can you not smile when you see this mad dog behaving like a dum-dum? ☺

And a super old selfie to remind myself that even though I feel like shit inside, I can still look pretty decent on the outside as long as I’ve got my arsenal of makeup products with me LOL!